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‘Under Siege’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

December 25, 2023 · Under Siege (1992) · Action · Thriller · 1:52:31

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Picking Nits

Bill Simmons▶ 12:57Nobody lands a punch on Seagal the whole movie - he never takes any damage in fights, which is unrealistic
Kyle Brandt▶ 12:33Seagal doesn't do his signature ponytail or arm-snapping move in this movie, which are his trademarks

Most Rewatchable Scene

Bill Simmons▶ 33:30Multiple scenes: Seagal moving through ship with people hanging on his words, the galley scene with Busey spitting in bouillabaisse and Seagal punching him, the big shootout with Tommy Lee in leather jacket and Busey in drag, Seagal's escape scene lowering from ceiling, the moment where Seagal covers the dead captain's body, and Tommy Lee's 'welcome to the revolution' speech
Kyle Brandt▶ 34:14Agrees with Bill's picks and discusses the same scenes, particularly emphasizing Busey spitting in the pot as disgusting and effective villain move, the strangeness of the drag sequence, and the cinematic effectiveness of the ceiling drop scene

What's Aged the Best

Bill Simmons▶ 1:01:49Mean villains, historical elements about USS Missouri and Pearl Harbor, no Seagal ponytail, great dialogue lines like 'wake up the president', Bernie Casey's presence, Seagal's blowtorch outfit scene, and the Jimi Hendrix 'Voodoo Child' needle drop
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:02:17Desert Storm references, terrorists having fun while conducting their operation, Navy Whites uniforms making everyone look handsome, and the Jimi Hendrix 'Voodoo Child' needle drop scene

Big Kahuna Burger Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:09:45Suggests Booyah Base and the Busey Lugie, but ultimately agrees with the Ryback menu (pasta Rybackia and related items)
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:10:03The Ryback menu

Den of Thieves Benihana Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:10:10The ocean
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:10:11The ocean

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill Simmons▶ 1:13:02Questions the cooking authenticity - De Niro studied for six months but we never see him actually cooking, and finds the bouillabaisse choice odd for sailors
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:12:53Do you think Steven Seagal can cook?

Butch's Girlfriend Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:13:36The June 1989 Playboy Playmate character who jumps out of a cake, accidentally drugs herself, then becomes part of a counter-military coup
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:14:30Seagal being benched for too long - stuck in the refrigerator for the entire second quarter of the movie when audiences want to see him kick ass

Is There a Better Title?

Bill Simmons▶ 1:18:00Mentions 'Dreadnought' as alternative, rejects 'Last to Surrender' but eventually warms to 'The Last to Surrender'
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:18:34Focused on the trailer formula requirement rather than specific titles, accepts 'Last to Surrender' if it works in trailer format

Best Quote

Bill Simmons▶ 1:19:03I do have 50 gallons of bouillabaisse that I could prepare for tomorrow

Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:21:14Tommy Lee Jones plays the exact same character in Under Siege and The Fugitive - just one has good intentions and the other has bad intentions
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:19:59The Fugitive would have been a better movie if Steven Seagal played Dr. Richard Kimball instead of Harrison Ford

Casting What-Ifs

Bill Simmons▶ 1:24:11Duane Davis — Dwayne Davis as Alvin Mack from The Program - calls him 'the definitive winner' for best 'that guy' actor
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:24:48Duane Davis — Dwayne Davis as Alvin Mack - agrees this is the winner, praising him as 'one of the great football characters'

Dion Waiters Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:25:55Agrees with Kyle's pick of the soldier in the war room
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:25:21The soldier in the war room who delivers the line 'approximately one million people will reach 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit in less than a second'

Joey Pants Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:26:00Samuel L. Jackson — Previously picked a third party actor, then discusses replacing Busey with Samuel L. Jackson and expresses approval for that casting choice
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:27:01Samuel L. Jackson — Made the case for Busey earlier, agrees Samuel L. Jackson would work in the role but notes Jackson wouldn't do the cross-dressing scene

Half-Assed Internet Research

Bill Simmons▶ 1:27:16Presents multiple trivia facts: Erica Lineak's first role was kissing Elliott in E.T., they used USS Alabama instead of USS Missouri and shot in Mobile, budget was reduced from $100M to $30M, Seagal suggested Pearl Harbor Memorial location, and Harrison Ford agreed to do The Fugitive after seeing Under Siege rough cut
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:28:39Makes brief commentary wondering how much of the Under Siege rough cut Harrison Ford actually watched before agreeing to The Fugitive

Apex Mountain

Bill Simmons▶ 1:29:11Steven Seagal — Under Siege for Seagal, Titanic for boat movies, Under Siege for Erika Eleniak, 1989 Playboy issue for her overall, NWO over Under Siege for Hulk Hogan, and Clemenza from The Godfather for movie cooks
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:29:16Steven Seagal — Under Siege for Seagal, Buddy Holly Story as Busey's 'rock star moment' but agrees 91-92 period including Point Break/The Firm/Under Siege was his peak, and Casey Ryback from Under Siege for movie cooks who can fight

Is This Movie Better With

Bill Simmons▶ 1:37:55Philip Baker Hall — Philip Baker Hall as the captain would have been a huge improvement
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:38:00Philip Baker Hall — Philip Baker Hall in the role of Floyd Gondoli as captain

Just One Oscar

Bill Simmons▶ 1:38:27Tommy Lee Jones

Best Double Feature

Bill Simmons▶ 1:40:07The Fugitive — The Fugitive (primary choice), The Package, and Code of Silence
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:40:21U-571 — U571

Hall of Fame Plaque

Kyle Brandt▶ 1:42:49Basketball Hall of Fame

Coach Finstock Life Lesson

Bill Simmons▶ 1:44:23Don't underestimate the cook
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:45:00Don't underestimate the cook

Who Won the Movie

Bill Simmons▶ 1:45:19Tommy Lee Jones — Agreed with Kyle's Tommy Lee Jones pick, noting he played the same character in both movies
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:45:04Tommy Lee Jones — Tommy Lee Jones - got his role in The Fugitive from this, got the Oscar, and still doing insurance commercials making $2 million for an hour's work

Movies Referenced (43)

The Fugitive (1993)

25 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:26IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Air Force One (1997)

6 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 42:26IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Battleship (2012)

6 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 9:41IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Pearl Harbor (2001)

6 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 41:31IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Point Break (1991)

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 22:18IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Den of Thieves (2018)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:10:07IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Die Hard (1988)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 6:32IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Home Alone (1990)

3 mentions · Kyle Brandt▶ 1:13:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

The Firm (1993)

3 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 38:04IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Toy Soldiers (1991)

3 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 26:45IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Fargo (1996)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 59:31IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Goodfellas (1990)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 1:32:44IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Directors Referenced (6)

Andrew Davis

7 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for The Fugitive, Holes, Under Siege▶ 4:21IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Charles Nichols

3 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 25:10IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Hannah Fay Foligno

2 mentions · Kyle Brandt · Known for Wicked, Oppenheimer▶ 17:47IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Clint Eastwood

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Million Dollar Baby, Gran Torino, Unforgiven▶ 6:13IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Felipe Fernández del Paso

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for From Dusk Till Dawn, Desperado▶ 10:03IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Mel Gibson

1 mentions · Kyle Brandt · Known for Braveheart, Conspiracy Theory▶ 1:17:35IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Actors Referenced (72)

Steven Seagal

210 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Under Siege 2: Dark Territory▶ 2:14IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Gary Busey

32 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Lethal Weapon, Point Break▶ 22:08IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Tommy Lee Jones

21 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for The Fugitive, No Country for Old Men▶ 2:20IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Steve Buscemi

8 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons · Known for Fargo, Reservoir Dogs▶ 39:18IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Joshua David Whites

7 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 1:06:15IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Richard Gere

6 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons · Known for Chicago, Pretty Woman, An Officer and a Gentleman▶ 1:06:22IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Harrison Ford

5 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope, The Fugitive▶ 22:30IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Scott Glenn

5 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for The Hunt for Red October, Sucker Punch, The Bourne Legacy▶ 19:49IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Draymond Green

4 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 9:23IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Gary Oldman

4 mentions · Kyle Brandt · Known for Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, The Dark Knight, Darkest Hour▶ 42:26IMDb ↗Lb ↗

George Foreman

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for The Fighter▶ 6:19IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Philip Baker Hall

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Hard Eight▶ 1:37:47IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Writers Referenced (5)

Julie Siege

32 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 2:02IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Tommy Lee

29 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Vanilla Sky▶ 8:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Danny McBride

2 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Underworld▶ 1:15:01IMDb ↗Lb ↗

J.F. Lawton

2 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Pretty Woman, Under Siege, Chain Reaction▶ 28:33IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Buddy Holly

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Big Fish, Almost Famous▶ 1:29:59IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Cinematographers Referenced (1)

Ian Clampett

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Battleship, Deja Vu▶ 28:18IMDb ↗Lb ↗