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‘Hard to Kill’ With Bill Simmons and Kyle Brandt

June 16, 2022 · Action · Crime · Drama · 1:33:36

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What's Aged the Best

Kyle Brandt▶ 12:04Movie titles where it's 'Steven Seagal is' followed by the title, like 'marked for death' - loves this format that can be applied to any actor

Half-Assed Internet Research

Bill Simmons▶ 21:37Budget was $11.5 million, made $59 million, 22nd biggest movie of 1990. Seagal also had the 23rd biggest movie (Out for Justice). Roger Ebert declined to review it. Quotes from Mike Ovitz's book about Seagal comparing himself to Dustin Hoffman and Robert De Niro, and Seagal wanting the My Left Foot script instead of Daniel Day-Lewis.
Kyle Brandt▶ 21:35Made jokes about the research findings, particularly about Seagal doing a My Right Foot sequel straight to video, and commented on Roger Ebert being 'out' on reviewing the movie.

Dion Waiters Award

Bill Simmons▶ 29:54Discussed multiple scenes including the liquor store execution and Seagal's hospital/coma scene, suggesting the hospital hitman scene as 'probably the winner'
Kyle Brandt▶ 28:47The liquor store scene where a character says 'hey, maybe I'll be in a pool and ho' then gets executed

Big Kahuna Burger Award

Bill Simmons▶ 47:24Senator Trent having champagne in a hot tub with what seems to be a stripper
Kyle Brandt▶ 47:49O'Malley and Seagal rekindling with Miller Highlifes

Den of Thieves Benihana Award

Bill Simmons▶ 48:20The liquor store
Kyle Brandt▶ 48:37The Ohio house

Butch's Girlfriend Award

Bill Simmons▶ 48:52O'Malley's hiding scenes with his mom, Kelly LeBrock's terrible performance, Seagal's cheap-looking coma hair/beard combo, Vernon Trent's overused 'take that to the bank' catchphrase, and lack of intimacy coordinator
Kyle Brandt▶ 49:08Agrees the movie has little fat at 95 minutes, supports criticism of Seagal's Halloween costume-like beard that looks like 'Wooly Willie' magnetic hair toy

What's Aged the Worst

Bill Simmons▶ 54:14The rapid recovery from coma and Mason Storm moving on from his brutally murdered wife in just five days
Kyle Brandt▶ 53:06Kelly LeBrock's character - one of the worst female characters ever put on film, including her inappropriate behavior with the coma patient and the problematic love scene

Is There a Better Title?

Bill Simmons▶ 54:44No, Hard to Kill is the better title over the original Seven Year Storm
Kyle Brandt▶ 55:15Hard to Kill is better - you have to go with Hard to Kill over Seven Year Storm

Best Quote

Bill Simmons▶ 55:31"I'm gonna take you to the blood bank" - considers it maybe the best quote ever in a movie
Kyle Brandt▶ 55:53Agrees with "blood bank" quote and theorizes it was a Seagal ad lib improvement over "I'm going to take you to the bank"

Stephen A. Smith Hottest Take Award

Bill Simmons▶ 59:56Steven Seagal was the Billy Corgan of action movies - incredible five years, influential and important, but became a punchline due to being loathsome and annoying, retroactively tainting his good movies
Kyle Brandt▶ 59:00The entire movie premise and story was completely stolen by Quentin Tarantino for Kill Bill - both feature someone betrayed, killed, left for dead in a coma, people having sex with them while in coma, then coming back for revenge

Overacting Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:02:33William Sadler — O'Malley for his death scene

Teddy KGB Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:05:14Steven Seagal — Initially considered Seagal but questioned penalizing him since he's starring; suggested it should go to Seagal
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:05:18Steven Seagal — Steven Seagal - 'all roads lead to Seagal' because everyone else is just straight

Apex Mountain

Bill Simmons▶ 1:13:12Under Siege — Under Siege for Seagal (not this movie), Cobra for murder attempts in empty hospitals, 1990 as apex for action movies overall
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:13:25Under Siege — Under Siege for Seagal, acupuncture representation, Cobra for hospital murder attempts, The Fugitive for shitty hitmen, Ojai for movie locations

Hall of Fame Plaque

Bill Simmons▶ 1:18:47Debates between Hard to Kill and Under Siege, ultimately leans toward Under Siege as it was most successful, though Hard to Kill was Seagal's funniest
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:19:10Out for Justice for true Seagal fans (cue ball scene), but acknowledges Under Siege for the masses, suggests maybe two plaques

Racehorse Name Award

Bill Simmons▶ 1:19:38Mason Storm
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:19:42Agrees Mason Storm is badass, but also suggests Blood Bank and Sonny Storm as alternatives

Is This Movie Better With

Bill Simmons▶ 1:24:23Danny Trejo — Danny Trejo as one of Senator Trent's bad guys.
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:24:39Philip Baker Hall — Philip Baker Hall as O'Malley, delivering lines as Floyd Gondoli: 'Your dad is alive and I like butter in my ass and lollipops in my mouth.'

Just One Oscar

Bill Simmons▶ 1:25:04Nobody in this movie should get an Oscar; instead give it to whoever made the best cigar running montage on YouTube

Probably Unanswerable Questions

Bill Simmons▶ 1:30:04Wouldn't ramming a rifle into Senator Trent's mouth have knocked all of his teeth out?
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:30:11Acknowledges the question about the teeth damage and notes there's a quick shot of Sadler with a broken tooth prosthetic

Coach Finstock Life Lesson

Bill Simmons▶ 1:30:31Anticipation of death is worse than death itself and Learn how to heal people to be great, to hurt people is easy
Kyle Brandt▶ 1:30:44Learn how to heal people, hurt people is easy and Superior attitude, superior state of mind

Movies Referenced (34)

Under Siege (1992)

20 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:51IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Rocky (1976)

5 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 34:41IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Weird Science (1985)

5 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 39:39IMDb ↗Lb ↗

My Left Foot (1989)

4 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 21:00IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Die Hard (1988)

3 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons▶ 4:24IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Total Recall (1990)

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:29IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Fargo (1996)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 24:19IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Ghost (1990)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 1:08:55IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Rocky III (1982)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 2:30IMDb ↗Lb ↗

The Fugitive (1993)

2 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 13:39IMDb ↗Lb ↗

The Prestige (2006)

2 mentions · ▶ 0:03IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Top Gun (1986)

2 mentions · Kyle Brandt▶ 5:44IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Directors Referenced (5)

Tom Brady

5 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for The Hot Chick▶ 1:07:07IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Billy Blanks

4 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons · Known for The Last Boy Scout, Jack and Jill, Kiss the Girls▶ 10:36IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Quentin Tarantino

2 mentions · Kyle Brandt · Known for Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, From Dusk Till Dawn▶ 59:06IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Andrew Davis

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Fugitive, Holes, Under Siege▶ 13:39IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Clint Eastwood

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Million Dollar Baby, Gran Torino, Unforgiven▶ 7:44IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Actors Referenced (59)

Steven Seagal

200 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Under Siege 2: Dark Territory▶ 1:50IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Kelly LeBrock

24 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Weird Science, Wrongfully Accused▶ 13:53IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Dean Norris

7 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Total Recall▶ 1:03:26IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Philip Baker Hall

7 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons · Known for Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Hard Eight▶ 1:18:34IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Steve Buscemi

7 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Fargo, Reservoir Dogs▶ 45:22IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Chuck Norris

5 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 7:23IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Johnny Carson

4 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Fargo▶ 47:08IMDb ↗Lb ↗

William Forsythe

4 mentions · Kyle Brandt, Bill Simmons · Known for Raising Arizona, Dick Tracy▶ 13:10IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Anderson Silva

3 mentions · Kyle Brandt▶ 10:31IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Danny Trejo

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for Machete, From Dusk Till Dawn, Predators▶ 1:24:15IMDb ↗Lb ↗

John Ashton

3 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for Gone Baby Gone, Beverly Hills Cop▶ 1:07:57IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Mark Wahlberg

3 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt · Known for The Fighter, Boogie Nights, The Departed▶ 12:57IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Writers Referenced (2)

Julie Siege

18 mentions · Bill Simmons, Kyle Brandt▶ 4:51IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Roger Ebert

3 mentions · Bill Simmons▶ 21:55IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Cinematographers Referenced (2)

Alex Rodriguez

1 mentions · Kyle Brandt · Known for Twister, The Happening, Memoirs of an Invisible Man▶ 1:29:17IMDb ↗Lb ↗

Michael Grantland

1 mentions · Bill Simmons · Known for The Other Guys▶ 4:05IMDb ↗Lb ↗